I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
