On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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