I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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