My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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