the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
