phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
