So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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