he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
