but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
