I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
