So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I died a long time ago.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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