I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
