You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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