Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
