[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize