Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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