couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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