so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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