Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
