Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
