We're like a lot better than the average bears
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
