when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My life is pants optional.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize