Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
