T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
