we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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