I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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