It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
