I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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