Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
