somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
