my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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