why didn't you poke me back
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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