it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
