I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
