I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize