I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
