Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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