just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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