I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize