Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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