I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
