Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
