Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
