Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
