Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You're so nebulous sometimes
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
