And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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