Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
