literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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