So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
