Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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