im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
