i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
