Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
