cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize