she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I pour the whiskey from now on
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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