he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
