Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
