the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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