I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
