Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
