Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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