You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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