She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
