i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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