Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
