I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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