apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
