So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
