She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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