Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
