Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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