God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize