walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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