Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
