I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
