you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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