I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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