I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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