Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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