WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
