found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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