My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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