fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
