Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
