a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
