a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
