I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
