I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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