he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
