We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
