AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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